Sunday, March 27, 2011


Is beauty on the inside or the outside? From one of my all time favorite movies; Liar, Liar:

Max: My teacher says real beauty’s on the inside.
Fletcher: That’s just something ugly people say….

The fact is: it’s both places. But the thing about beauty is that (and I apologize for the cliché in advance) it is in the eye of the beholder. Everybody has different taste. We all have our own unique ideas about what’s beautiful. The key to being beautiful, really, is in being yourself, having confidence, and in liking what you see in the mirror.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I’ve never really had an issue with my looks. I’ve always liked my face, my hair, my figure… and never thought of myself as “ugly” or been one to get green with jealousy over how other women looked. Sure, I very was over-weight for a while, but even then I knew what was underneath the weight and though I wasn’t thrilled with how I looked in clothes or the fact that my waist was non-existent, I still saw “me” when I looked in the mirror and I knew that all I had to do was lose the weight and I’d be curvy and sexy again.

If you take a look at women, (and I know you do,) you’ll see that there’s a wide variety of flavors there. Blondes, brunettes, red-heads… tall, short… and everything from whisper thin to dangerously curvy. Most men see this as a luscious, tempting, endlessly delightful buffet of femininity. And, just like a giant buffet, they have their favorite dishes, but that’s not to say they’re all going to go for the exact same thing and leave the other items lonely for a patron. Too much symbolism?

OK, what I’m saying here is that not all men want a stereotypical Barbie doll. Sure, some men do like tall, slender, blondes with blue eyes. Personally, I have only ever dated one guy who would state that as his preference. That’s more than likely because I happen to be short, extremely curvy, and have dark brown hair and brown eyes. Guys who want Malibu Barbie don’t ask me out, and that’s as it should be. So how did I end up with that one gentleman who preferred blondes? The poor guy had a conversation with me and found out that real beauty’s on the inside. Oops.

Ultimately the relationship didn’t work out, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t pleasing to his eyes. In fact, although he did still ogle random Barbie types in public, it was clear that once he got to know me and looked at me with the eyes that liked ME for ME that he did actually find me very attractive. He would tell me as I changed clothes or stripped down to crawl under the sheets with him: “God you’re so hot… you’re so sexy!” Aside from him, though, most of the guys I’ve been with have been more into the dark-haired, dark-eyed, smoky, sultry, Salma Hayek types and that’s just FINE with me. Incidentally, I think she’s one of the most beautiful women alive, just so you know. Barbie never held any charm for me. How can you possibly look at Salma and think anything other than “Wow?” She’s exotic and curvy and everything about her just screams “WOMAN!”

There are billions and billions of men on this earth, and the ones who will be attracted to ME are the ones I’d rather hang out with. I just can’t see getting jealous of other women and wondering “What does she have that I don’t have?!” The fact is: Nothing. Attraction is just a funny thing. It doesn’t make any sense, there’s no logic to it. There’s no formula to it. There’s no code to crack. I know everyone’s mothers have said it but really, just be who you are. Just be the best YOU that you can be. In that way, you’ll attract someone who really wants you for YOU.

See, it’s not JUST looks that count. It’s about personality, too. This is why you can’t get bogged down in your appearance. This is why it’s so damn difficult to make a connection out there in the dating world. There’s a TON of factors that go into connecting with someone. Obviously the first thing is the involuntary “HELLO!” second when your eyes catch a glimpse of something pleasing. You take a second, more careful look… “What do we have here? Is that person as attractive as I think they are? Why, yes! They are!” Next, there’s a moment or two where you attempt eye contact. Your prey could lock eyes with you and smile… indicating that the initial attraction is mutual. Or, they could gloss right over you. It’s a crap shoot. Lots of people are attractive, but not everyone that you find attractive is going to find you attractive. But, if eye contact is made and the prospect looks good, then you can attempt conversation.

Even then, though, you could wind up disappointed. Maybe they’re an idiot. Maybe they’re an arrogant jerk. Maybe they have body odor. Who knows… the point is that you can’t worry about your looks, and you can’t be jealous of how other people look. You have to be you. You have to not worry about the ones who don’t find you appealing, and stick to the ones who do. Because the reasons why we want to be attractive to the opposite sex are… in the short run “in order to get laid” and in the long run “to find someone to love and to spend your life with.” Believe me, in the long run… it doesn’t matter if another woman has a different hair color than you, a different eye color than you, a smaller pair of jeans than you, better clothes than you, a cuter nose than you, or any other silly thing you might think makes her more attractive than you are. In the long run, the guy who’s looking for YOU isn’t going to give a shit if your friend has killer eyelashes or longer legs than you, because he’s going to be attracted to everything about YOU.

I’ve been known to say “Love is like Rambo” on many, many occasions. I believe that right down to my bone marrow. In the movie (not the novel… I’m talking about the 1982 screen adaptation of the novel here) “First Blood,” as the deputies are trudging through the woods looking for Rambo, Mitch makes the observation that “We ain’t huntin’ him… he’s huntin’ us” and he’s absolutely right. The fact of the matter is that you can’t hide from it. If Rambo wants to find you, he’s going to find you. It’s the same with love. There’s no running, no hiding, no keeping it out of your life. It has nothing to do with your looks, and it can’t be hunted down. When two people connect, it’s not about what color hair you have. It’s not about your facial features. Those things may be the initial attraction, but they are only skin deep, and what will hold you together will sure as hell not be beauty. So, be yourself, and be the best YOU that you can be, and never, ever be jealous of anyone. Appreciate the differences in people and celebrate them, but don’t wish to be anyone but YOU, because YOU are perfect just the way you are.


  1. I love this photo of Salma Hayek (I know it's from "From Dusk Til Dawn" because my husband watches it every. freaking. weekend.) because... hello! She's so damn hot! She's got the most fabulous curves -- ie. is not stick thin -- and she just exudes "holy hot woman." Women everywhere, all women everywhere, are attractive, by their very nature. Because that's who we are. And THAT'S sexy.