Monday, June 6, 2011

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby! Part V: Sex… The Final Frontier!

Ever been bored with sex? Ever thought that you’ve seen it all, done it all, had it all, and that there were no more sexual mountains to climb? No more erotic lands to conquer? Call it what you will… whether you blame a seven year itch, or a stale relationship, or if you just think you’ve done everything you ever wanted to do…whatever the case may be, at some point you may have felt that nothing was really ringing your bell the way it was rung when you were young and sex was a grand adventure. 

There’s no question in my mind that the greatest aspects of sex are all in the human mind. The body may do all the work, and the physical aspects of the act; your senses of touch, taste, sight, sound and scent may be the prominent parts of actually “doing it,” but anyone who has ever had an orgasm in their sleep can’t deny that without ever having been touched or touching your partner, those orgasms can be the deepest, most intense, and best ones you ever have. To me, that’s proof positive that sex, above and beyond the act, is in the human brain.

When you’re young and sex is somewhat new, the excitement and adventure all centers around what you’ve heard, what you’ve imagined, what you’ve thought about, heard about and never experienced for yourself. The youth and beauty of the partners, the new places and positions you do it in, and the various “new” things you try. Well… new to YOU anyway. As you try each one; naughty new things… kinky new things… taboo new things… dangerous new things… sinful new things… with all that fresh, new, exciting, hot, crazy sex, arousal levels stay pretty high. But after years and years and years of sex, one day you find yourself thinking… “Where’s that blazing fire? Where’s that orgasm that blows my mind? Where’s that arousal that’s so intense I can’t even function?” Well… I know where it is. It’s all in your head, baby!!! It’s all in your head.

Chances are that you’ve had dreams that have seemed strange to you once you’ve woken up; dreams that left you wondering “Why the hell did that turn me on?” There’s a chance that there have been things people have said or done in your presence that have piqued your interest, and maybe you didn’t understand why, or even want to admit to yourself that they did. My advice to you is this: Don’t be afraid of what’s just under your sexual surface. Allow yourself to wander into those spaces in your mind and explore them. Allow yourself to think about whatever you find strangely intriguing, and let your imagination run wild. Only you are inside your head, and only you can unlock the doors that you’ve subconsciously closed. Open them, and see just how delicious those fantasies can be.

Personally, I’ve got a head full of incredible fantasies that I can dive into and get so hot I can barely stand it. Will I share them with you? No. But I will share them with my partner. That’s the whole point of them: to enhance and embellish the great thing we already have going on. Role playing, having play dates with each other, exploring and sharing with each other in ways that we find exciting. What we want, or what we do doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It only has to please us. The ability to be open and share those deep fantasies is one that can lead to incredible sexual places, but there has to be a very solid foundation of trust in your relationship, as well. When you have that the sky is the limit.

Fantasy and imagination are truly the keys to really revving up your engine. The depth of your own fantasies is the only limit to how hot you can actually get, and how great sex can actually be. Now, having a partner who’s down with that would be a beautiful thing, so, obviously I’m going to tell you once again that communication with your partner is key. It doesn’t have to be weird. It doesn’t have to be ‘we-need-to-talk’ heavy and presented as a problem. What it does have to be is honest and there has to be totally open communication. You can’t approach your mate and say “Our sex life is stale” or “I’m bored in the bedroom” or anything that will make them feel like you’re dissatisfied with them, personally, or with the relationship itself. This is strictly about sex. If the relationship itself is healthy and you’re simply looking for that heat and intensity that you’re missing from your youth, there’s a chance your partner probably feels the same way, too.

Only you know your partner and your relationship well enough to know the best way, the best time, and the best angle to approach this from. Personally, my suggestion would be to bring it up when you’re already engaged in a meaningful conversation. Don’t bring it up when you’re trying to pay bills, or when you’re discussing anything stressful or problematic. Bring this up when you’re talking about the good things in life. Bring it up when you’re talking about the positive things, and the things that make you both happy. Make sure your partner knows that you’re still completely attracted to them. Make sure they know that they’re the one you want to share these things with. Make sure that when you tell them you’ve got the hots for some hot sex, that it’s THEM you want to experience it with. And then… get ready to have some of those earth shattering orgasms.

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